OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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