She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
