I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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