Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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