Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
