Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
