What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
