Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
