umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
