At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
