My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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