yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
