Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize