Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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