I have demons in me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
