please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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