Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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