I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
