I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Still dying that you shit outside
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
