He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My feet surprised me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
