Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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