Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...

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(571): View more from Virginia

I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

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(563): View more from Iowa

If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

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(61): View more from Australia

who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

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(518): View more from New York

Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.

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(480): View more from Arizona

So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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(573): View more from Missouri

Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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(330): View more from Ohio

Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.

(330): View more from Ohio

Idk how it devolved into us fucking.

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