He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
