Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
