You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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