He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
