In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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