I wish I only lived at night.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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