I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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