oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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