I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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