My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
