is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize