If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
