I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
