My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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