I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
