Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
