so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
