i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
