my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
