So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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