Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
