I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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