Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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