i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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