I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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