I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
