you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we're making bets on your personal life
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
