also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
