I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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