the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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