I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
