Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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