Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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