pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The best revenge is premature balding
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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