The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
