just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
