The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
