oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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