You smell like stripper and shame
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize