No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
