woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
