dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize