I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
