'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
